


My own worst enemy

by AusKitty



Series: Bucky Barnes is an ass [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky is an ass, F/M, Lots of Angst, M/M, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, there is no Bucky love in this series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 11:19:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12210225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AusKitty/pseuds/AusKitty
Summary: Story one in a trilogy of Song Prompts.Song one- My Own Worst Enemy by Lit





	My own worst enemy

He came in through the window to find the apartment empty. The artfully arranged knick knacks were strewn across the floor, swept from the shelves with a furious hand. His clothing was piled in the middle of the bathroom, sodden and doused with his cologne, a testament to how angry Yana could be. Broken crockery and shards of picture frames and glass scattered the living room floor where his obviously irate girlfriend had thrown them at him. “Funny,” Bucky thought to himself, “I don’t remember what was said, or what she threw at me, but it looks like it was half the kitchen cupboards.” Raking his hand across his face Bucky fell face down on the sofa and passed out.

“Please, please tell me why? I came in through the window last night and you were gone.” Bucky begged blearily staring at Yana as she threw her clothes in a suitcase, tears drying on her flushed cheeks. 

“Tell you why? After what you told me last night I’m surprised you came back here at all. I just- I can’t Bucky, I can’t keep living in like this. You promised me it wouldn’t happen again but it did. It happened Buck, and it opened my eyes.” Yana threw the last of her shoes in the top of the suitcase and tugged on the zipper almost ripping it from the frame of the case in her haste. Hauling up the suitcase in one hand and grasping a small duffle in the other she turned and glared at Bucky with a fire he hadn’t felt since the last time he had gone drinking with Steve ad Thor.

Groaning and covering his face with his metal hand Bucky realised his mistake. “Can we just forget the things I said when I was drunk? Whatever I said, I didn’t mean to call you that.” In truth he couldn’t remember anything from the night before and Thor’s Asgardian Mead was the most likely cause. Face dropping Yana squared her shoulders and walked to the door. “I’ll send for the rest of my things, maybe Clint or Natasha can deal with you, because right now Sargent Barnes, I can’t even look at you.”

***   
“Hey Barnes, whats the deal with you and Yana? You barely looked at each other today, we normally have to drag your faces off each other for the morning meeting.” Stark had a point but Bucky didn’t feel like sharing and just glared and walked away. Steve laid a hand on Tony’s shoulder and shook his head sadly. “What? I was just stating the obvious?” he chuckled to himself at the Winter Soldier’s discomfort. Steve followed his best friend out of the common area and into the apartment they shared in the Tower, watching as Bucky slumped onto the sofa and curl in on himself.

“I dunno what I said Steve, I really am my own worst enemy. Some days I wish I could just kick the living shit out of myself for hurting her, but I don’t even know what I did wrong.” Bucky stared at his hands, tears desperately clinging to his lashes, threatening to fall. “I fell asleep a ladies man and woke up a monster. Yana was one of the best things to ever happen to me man and I screwed it up and now she’s gone.” 

Steve let Bucky speak without interruption, the words flowing out like pus erupting from an infected wound. The self-loathing and recrimination that had stagnated since he stopped attending therapy needed to be released and the conflict with Yana had Bucky doubting his ability to function in the modern world. 

*** 

Yana curled up on Clint’s sofa wrapped in a soft fuzzy blanket, Natasha wrapped her arms around the younger woman, carding her fingers through her hair as she sobbed quietly. “Am I really that bad Nat? The minute we get close he says that again and I just…” the sobs wrenched from her heart and soul broke Natasha’s usually cold expression. Fire and fury licked the corners of her grimacing smile and creased brow. Holding her friend closer Natasha wondered if this is what it felt like to be a sister, she didn’t have any as far as she knew, but she thought this all-encompassing love and ferocity over her grieving friend and the blistering desire to tear strips from the man who caused it. 

“Barnes is an ass. A clueless, nonagenarian ass and you deserve so much better than him Yana.” Nat kissed the top of Yana’s head before continuing to stroke the soft strands of her hair. Looking over to see Clint walking back from the bedroom, a grim look on his usually cheerful face, Nat shifts easily as Yana holds her arms open to the archer and he sinks down to embrace her. Whispering something into her ear Yana nods and lets Clint pick her up and carry her to the bed, snuggling her down in the middle of the king sized mattress. Nat and Clint climb in and bracket the young woman, covering her in their arms and their love as she slipped into a fitful sleep. 

*** 

Two weeks had passed since Yana had walked out. The apartment Bucky shared with her stayed exactly as it was the day she left, knickknacks and trinkets still strewn across the floor. The only real difference is that now Steve sat watch over Bucky when he had a nightmare instead of the young woman they had both come to love. Bucky refused to let Steve or anyone else clean-up for him.

Steve followed Bucky back here night after night, sat on the loveseat or dozed on the long sofa his best friend had agonized over purchasing, fearing his beloved wouldn’t like it. Yana had loved the modern suite with the matching ottomans. Steve had seen the reaction first hand when she arrived home late one night and saw the plush suede sofa and had later heard of her more than enthusiastic response that followed. Smiling sadly to himself he wondered why Bucky insisted on returning when it was obvious that Yana wasn’t returning to their once happy home. 

Steve still didn’t know why Yana had left, so desperately unhappy that even seeing him made her cry. He wondered what Bucky could have possibly said or done to make her heart break so completely. Although she still worked closely with the Avengers Yana had restricted her attendance at meetings to the ones she simply couldn’t avoid. She was a ghost in the Tower and rarely left the safe confines of Clint’s apartment unless it was for work or to visit with Bruce or Tony. 

Steve turned his head as he heard Bucky turning restless in his bed. Glancing at the clock on the wall he decided that it was time to get some answers and he picked up the phone. 

**Steve:** Yana, we need to talk.   
**Yana:** No Steve, you want to talk, I’m not ready.  
 **Steve:** Yana, he’s suffering. How can I help him if I don’t know what’s eating him?  
 **Yana:** He made me a promise, he broke it. End of story.  
Steve sighed. He hated the fact his best friend had let her down, but did that really mean she needed to break his heart? To leave him after everything they went through just getting together? Steve sunk lower into the sofa and smiled sadly remembering the last time all three of them had sat on it to watch a movie. The Princess Bride was a secret guilty pleasure for Yana, who preferred horror and action movies to anything she considered ‘chick flicks’.   
**Yana:** He isn’t the only one suffering  
 **Yana:** Clint and Nat are back. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then you leave me alone ok Rogers?  
 **Steve:** Goodnight Yana, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Yana breathed deeply. She could do this, she was strong and the truth will out as her grandmother told her as a child. Wandering out to the living area she pasted a smile over her heartbreak and faced her two closest friends before announcing that tomorrow she was going to look for a new place to stay. “You know I love you guys, but I seriously need to get on with living my life instead of hiding from it.” 

*** 

The morning meeting went about as well as any the last two weeks. Yana passed out the new menu requests she had been working on for the better part of her stay in the Tower. “As the Avengers chief dietician I decided to do a complete overhaul of the kitchens and given your unique nutritional and dietary requirements I arranged several new menu choices. I am also overseeing a new snack food initiative to later be rolled out for the entire staff of Stark Tower. I am expecting feedback from each of you in the next week in regards to the suitability of the menu.” 

Looking at Tony, Yana nodded and continued “I have revamped some of the old favourites and as always if you want to order in or order something off menu I am happy to facilitate in any way possible.” Yana sat stiffly in her chair and accepted the thanks and smiles of the gathered Avengers, slipping a grin to Clint as he noticed the different variations of pie on the new menu.

As the meeting closed Yana stood with her hands on the back of her seat “Captain Rogers, if I could have a word with you? “ She looked directly into Steve’s eyes, her formality a shocking contrast to the easy familiarity they usually shared. Steve shooed his hand at Bucky and walked around the conference table before leaning against it, arms folded over his chest. “Privately if you don’t mind; It’s a rather sensitive subject.” 

Steve allowed Yana to walk past him to close the door before she slowly turned and looked him in the eye. “Captain…” Yana stumbled and Steve caught her easily guiding her into a seat. “Steve, it’s about Bucky.” Yana swallowed back her tears, leaving her hand on his arm, urging him to sit next to her. Swallowing hard Yana looked down at her hand on Steve’s arm before looking up into his soft blue eyes.

“When he came home he was tipsy, I know that you and Thor had been with him and I was so happy he was home safe. We were getting intimate and it happened again. He broke the one promise he made to me. He called me someone else’s name.”

Steve flinched back out of Yana’s grasp as the tears started to run down her cheeks, shock registering on his face before he pulled the young woman into his arms, hugging her fiercely. Yana continued, muffled against Steve’s chest. “He did it once before, and I made him promise. I told him if he really loved me he would never say that name again and then he did. He broke my heart Steve, he loves me, we both know that… but he’s not IN LOVE with me.” 

Pulling herself away from the comforting presence of her friend she steeled herself for what she was about to say. The revelation could turn his world upside down, or it could end their friendship, but Yana knew it was past time Steve knew Bucky’s secret.

“The name he called me by… Steve… it was yours.”


End file.
